George Constanza

George is actually another date from the past. He was probably my 2nd or 3rd Match.com date. We had emailed each other for about a week and then spent another week or so chatting on the phone. He was a 4th grade teacher and had recently moved back into the area. We finally decided to meet at a place that he said was really good but I had never heard of.

I get to the address a few minutes early but it wasn't a burger place anymore it was a pizza place. I called him to make sure I had the right place and he said he was almost there and we would decide where to go when he got there. He pulls up in a Ford Taurus and wants to know if a bar around the corner would be good. Before we go further I have to say he was by FAR the worst "shorter than advertised" guy. He told me he was 5'8". I'm 5'6" and had worn low heels. He was at MOST 5'2" and had a good sized balding spot on the top of his head which I could CLEARLY see at my height. The bar he wanted to go to has decent food and it wasn't far from where we were. It was decided that I would ride with him (I KNOW I KNOW not the best decision ever) but it was only 2 miles down the road.

I get in his car and he says "So, you drive a Ford?" (I had just stepped out of my FORD Expedition). I told him that I did and his response was that he hated Fords too. I informed him that I LOVED my truck.

There are MANY things that can go wrong the first time you ride in someone else's vehicle. Bad driving, road rage, not paying attention to the road, driving too fast, driving too slow, etc. I was NOT prepared for this though.........

So.....this is Huntersville-Concord road...Huntersville-Concord road, I like the sound of that, I don't think I've ever been on this road before...wonder where it goes. Look, we are crossing East Rd....East rd....think there is a West rd? I think there must be otherwise that wouldn't make sense, look we are coming up on Main st. Isn't that a great name for a road? Back to East and West road, if they had an East and West Rd they would have to have a North and South Rd. It just wouldn't make sense without it, do you know where they are, it would be fun to see, I would like to live on a North rd. Look Hwy 21 wonder why they called it that. Look, a neighborhood. Looks like a good place to live....looks expensive....don't know if I would want to live there.....looks nice though....big houses....I want a big house, i think a big house would be good, good people live in big houses, oh, Beatties Ford Rd, Beatties Ford rd, am I saying that right, I know you southerners tend to say things strange, that is an odd name for a road though, Beatties Ford Rd, I like saying it, it would be fun to live on a road with a fun name,.................

I will spare you from the rest but it was continuous and I didn't get 2 words in the WHOLE way. I'm not sure if he was nervous and had diarrhea of the mouth or WHAT but it was strange......

We get to the bar and there is a wait for a table. He has a beer at the bar while we wait for our table. The conversation was ok, he did most of the talking which was fine by me. I was still a little dazed by our ride over.

We sit down and order. I ordered a chicken sandwich and he got a burger. He kept bringing up a local shopping center. They have lots of shops, movie theatre, and ice cream places. He wanted to know if I wanted to go there after dinner. I told him that we would see how dinner went.

We get our food and my sandwich wasn't very good. He on the other hand thinks his food was made by the gods and is SLOWLY savoring every bite. His eating went something like this....

Pick up food, stare lovingly at it, take a small bite, gently place food back on plate, chew slowly and day dream about the food, swallow, take a 2-3 min break from eating so that each bite feels important.......................repeat.

Lets just say that I was finished with my fries and 4-5 bites of my crappy chicken before he had gotten through 1/4 of his burger. We are still chatting and things are going ok until he realizes I'm not eating. He then accuses me of staring at him while he is eating.....I told him that we were just talking but if it was that big of an issue that I would watch one of the MANY TVs while he took a bite.

We talked a little about his job and how much he hated the kids in his class. That they were bad just to aggravate him and that he knew they could be good so he didn't like them. He wasn't very happy that he had so many bad kids in his class.

There was a FSU vs. Tennessee game on. He asked the score and I told him. Then came another.....I don't even know WHAT to call it.

Oh FSU is playing?? FSU, FSU, FSU is the best, Florida STATE, FSU, don't you just love FSU?

He would have kept going but thankfully the waitress arrived with our check. He got a box for the other 1/2 of his burger and was insulted when I told him that I didn't need a box. He apparently thought this bar had the best food ever and there was something wrong with me for not thinking the same thing.

As we are walking out he says something about dessert. I check my watch (8pm) I told him that I was a lot more tired than I had thought and that I was going to call it a night. He drives me back to my truck much quieter this time. As I go to get out of his car he tells me that he had a great time and did I want to see him again. I firmly said "Yeah....NO" shut the door and got in my truck.

Something is wrong with those school teachers...................