Barry the Bee

For those of you who haven't seen it. Bee Movie is quite funny and the picture is Barry the Bee stuck to a tennis ball like Velcro. He can't get loose.

I am Barry today. A friend of mine and I have been hanging out a lot. We are in the horse business together and he is a great guy. One of the things I like most about him is that he lives his own life. He has things he needs to get done and doesn't completely re-arrange his life for friends. Well I should have known better....I REALLY should have.

We started hanging out more and now he is calling me daily, wanting my schedule, wants to know when he can take me to dinner, etc. He is STUCK LIKE VELCRO! I can't seem to shake this tennis ball loose! The bad news is this isn't the first tennis ball I have had. I seem to attract clingy/needy/sissy men.

Right now I'm conflicted with a way to dislodge the tennis ball while keeping a decent friendship and good horse relationship.

I mean how do you nicely say "You were attractive when I thought you were a man......but I haven't worn/needed Velcro since I was 5yrs old."?? Half-chaps don't count!

Bobby Batronic

A very good friend of mine told me about this video. I almost peed in my pants watching it and knew instantly that I needed to share it with you guys!

I think a date with Bobby would make an EXCELLENT blog entry!!!

Dating Safely

Dating Tips/Guidelines

-Meet in a crowded place not a bar but somewhere you can actually talk but aren't alone.

-Don't get in their car.

-Don't let them in your car. Drive separately.

-Let someone know where you are going and what time you expect to be home. Call them afterwards.

-Have a friend stalk you and eat at the same place but don't acknowledge each other.

-Don't leave your drink unattended even non-alcoholic drinks. They can be drugged too.

-Don't be the nice girl. If you get a weird vibe or the guy's being a jerk, do whatever you need to do/say to keep yourself safe. WALK AWAY if you need to.

-Don't give out your phone number until you feel comfortable with the guy. The last thing you need is some psycho stalker calling you every three minutes.

- Use an e-mail address that doesn't have your name in it. neveraseconddate at e-mail.com instead of yourfullname at e-mail.com ... in many places, property tax records are online. If guy has your name, he could very quickly have your address.

-Don't tell him where you work. Just give a general "I work in sales" or whatever. Later you can divulge details.

-Don't go to a party especially if it is at a friend of his.

-Don't go home or to a secluded place.

-Make sure they don't follow you home. I always take a different/longer route. I prefer if he leaves the parking lot first.

-I also use Google often. I'd Google the info they gave me to see what came up. I ALWAYS Google people.

-A reminder that safety doesn't apply only to the first date is in order. Someone can get weird on you on the 2nd, 3rd, 20th. Weirdoes know you will be on your guard the first time you meet them and expect you to lower it after you 'know' them better. Don't let your guard down until you've met their mother and/or sisters.

Meeting a guy's mother and any other important women in his life and seeing him interact with her/them will tell you just about everything you need to know about him.

If he's respectful and kind to his mom and she is somewhat normal acting, you're probably OK.

If he's a jerk to his mom, run.

If mom still has his baby shoes hanging from her rear view mirror even though he's 40, run.

If she still refers fondly to the era in which he was breastfeeding....Yep, run this time too.

If his sister looks like Wednesday Adams and says, "So, has my brother told you about the time he -accidentally- stabbed me?" You got it...runrunrun.

-Always be alert and I would go as far as saying don't drink on the first date.

-If I am meeting in a public place that allows dogs, I bring my dog. Do the same that is if your dog is be enough to help defend you. A potential abductor is less like to try and abduct you if you have a large protective looking dog at your side.

-Keep your purse at your side and in your sight at all times.

-Make sure your cell phone battery is fully charged. And you have your cell phone easily accessible.

-Its probably not a good idea to let the person walk you to your car. 1.) It avoids a potentially awkward situation if you don't like him 2.) It avoids the possibility of the person abducting you in your own car.

-Don't forget to follow your intuition. Listen to your internal voice. If something "feels" creepy, then it probably IS creepy.

THE BUGMAN

NSD: For the record this story is WONDERFUL but after reading it I feel like I should go take a shower! YUK!!!! Thank you for sharing it with us Tammie!!!


Guest Blogger Tammie writes:

As you have done I decided to the meet this guy off of the internet. We chatted every night, so we decided to finally meet.

Well as we were planning to meet, I asked for his cell phone number just in case I suddenly got cold feet and had to make up an excuse not to show up. I was quickly informed that he had no phone...I was like OK, well where do you want to meet. He said he really loved this Chinese restaurant about 45 minutes away from me. I asked if we could move just a little closer to where I live and we can meet there. He said well, I have to be honest with you, I don't have a car so you will have to pick me up.....Now i admit by this point I should have canceled but sheer curiosity took a hold of me I had to Mapquest his house and pick him up.

Well he lived in a section of town that was not favorable. When I went to get out of the car he came running out and was like "Make sure you locked the doors, your purse and CD player will get stolen." I was like "I'll wait for you in the car then." At this point I began questioning myself and I was like, self...why are we here again? To this day I can't come up with a good answer.
We get to his favorite restaurant and it was a hole in the wall. Once inside my feet kept sticking to the floor, and it appeared as if the place had not been cleaned in quite sometime. I said I would just get the rice and maybe some vegetables, as it was a buffet. Dinner was uneventful and we talked it was OK minus the dirty restaurant. After dinner we decided to go back to his house and watch a movie (remember we are in the bad section of town).

Once back at his house, I had to hide all of my things and I grabbed my purse to take it in. Now when I walked in the house the hallway immediately caught my attention. It was very narrow because of these huge dressers that were really really really really (did I say really) dirty! As a matter of fact the whole house was completely dirty, it had dim lighting to give the illusion of clean. At which point Mr. Bug man was like, "Do you want to meet my grandmother and the family "? Can't say no because I am in their house. So I was introduced as his next girlfriend (I promise I was definitely not). The WHOLE HOUSE was filthy, nasty, dirty!! I was like oh my goodness how do I make an exit without being completely obvious?!?! After meeting his grandmother, aunt and uncle I figured the family meet and greet was over. Little did I know there were more people upstairs. Three cousins and a best friend. I was like oh my how do I really get out now?!

Now the kitchen upstairs (yes a full kitchen upstairs) and the bathroom were completely dirty. I mean filthy nasty dirty, like he should have torn down the house and rebuilt it to make it clean. We go into his room, which is the cleanest room in the whole house (I know don't be shocked because it wasn't that clean at all). We decide on a movie and all the time I'm planning my escape. Well I start looking around the room and there was a bug crawling on the wall. ***I will take a side note to inform you guys that when it comes to crawling nasty bugs I FREAK OUT!!! I scream, I yell, I run around the house, ANYTHING to get away from the bug!*** Back to the story, after I freak out he was like oh, grabbed his shoe and killed the bug. I was like hhhmm....thats odd he acted like it is no big deal almost like this is normal, I mean he is a guy and all.....maybe he is just being macho. Nonetheless I'm scouting the walls for more bugs (now these bugs were very similar to baby roaches, so please understand the freak out). Well I spot 2 or 3 more baby roaches on the wall, at which point I'm like freak the plan for escape, just run man rrrrruuuuunnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I looked at my watch it was only 10:30, I was like well I have to go, its late and I have to work tomorrow and I start giving excuses that I'm sure don't make sense. Well I get up to grab my purse and I look behind me, there was a bug on the pillow I was laying on and three under me. I had to control my MAJOR FREAK OUT! He said he would walk me to the car to make sure I got there safely. In the meantime....out comes 5 or 6 more bugs it was as if they knew he had killed their cousin or something. I picked up my purse as if it was contaminated and we walked outside he tried to kiss me and I got in my car. He said the sweetest thing though "Thanks for not judging me, I can't wait to see you again" All I could say was sure....he was already totally judged.

Needless to say that was the first and last date. To this day he still emails me and that was 5 years ago....poor guy!

-Tammie-

David Ortiz strikes OUT

In case you didn't know David Ortiz is known for 2 things...home runs and for strike outs.

This story is about a STRIKE OUT!!! This wasn't an official date, this was a pre-date that went so horribly wrong that he won't get ANYWHERE near a date with me. This was after a football game with a bunch of friends. The game was a blast co-ed touch football.

DO showed up after we were done playing and brought his dog. A lot of us had their dogs there at the park and I had my dog with me. She is very well trained and has at least 20 commands. The dog he brought was very excited and didn't listen to anything. He jumped on all the people and dogs and DO had trouble getting him to stop pulling and listen.

STRIKE #1: He said my dog wasn't well behaved.

A group of us decided to go get food. He decided to join us. Some of us got to the restaurant early and he was one of them. We sat around and chatted and had some chips. One of the other people at the game had horses and then came to dinner with us so her and I were chatting away. He was trying to get in the conversation and at first was ok but then his questions were getting rude. He wanted to know why I would spend so much time with a HOBBY. I tried to explain to him that I run a horse training business and that it was more than a hobby.....it was my life.

STRIKE #2: He wanted to know how really hard it was to get a horse to just go in a circle. It can't be THAT hard!

I was SO irritated! I was politely trying to tolerate him until the rest of the crew got there and I could ignore him better. This didn't happen fast enough though. It wouldn't be my luck if it got better from here.

We quickly changed the subject to talk about the game. It was a really fun game and we were talking about who made good plays and who didn't. Laughing about how we tricked the other team. I told one of the other girls that I had tried to get her more play by throwing the ball to her while I was QB. THIS is where it got ugly.

STRIKE #3: He couldn't believe the guys on the team LET me be quarterback because I'm a GIRL!!!!

I almost went over the table. He went on and on about how football was rough on the girls and he couldn't believe guys would actually let a GIRL be QB. It wasn't pretty after that. Thankfully the other people showed up and I could be distracted.

I wasn't very nice after that though. I didn't watch what I said and I made sure to say whatever I thought. I think he got the HINT

Bring your own duct tape and rope!

After reading this you think about the choices you make when meeting ANYONE not just someone online. I know that I would have hung up about 2 minutes into this conversation but I'm glad the writer made the correct decision in the end. This blog is supposed to about the humor in dating but we can't ignore the danger in dating. PLEASE be careful!! Had this writer met him I'm afraid it could have turned out very bad for her. I will be making a post about dating tips in the next few days.

Ok, so this isn't really a 'date' story, but we WERE planning to go out that night and meet for the first time. ORIGINALLY, during our back and forth emails, he had said that he wanted to take me out to dinner. However, that story QUICKLY changes! What follows is the conversation of us trying to decide where to meet and what to do.

Me: So, what restaurant did you want to meet at?

Him: Did you really want to go to a restaurant?

Me: Well, that's what you said last time. Why? Would you rather go someplace else?

Him: I want to go someplace more private.

Me: (ok, how much more PRIVATE is this guy thinking we're going to get?!!) Um, ok....where did you have in mind?

NSD:: This is where I would have started to get really concerned.

H: I don't know...

M: uhm....ok, well what had you THOUGHT of doing then?

H: I don't know. I guess we can just drive around until we figure something out.

Me: (getting exasperated...AND thinking that there is no way in HELL I'm wasting gas money by aimlessly driving around Raleigh. And there's SURE no way in hell I'm getting in a car with him alone and riding around Raleigh!)
Ok, well why don't we just meet and then we can talk about where we want to go.

Him: ok.

*pause*

Me: All right, well WHERE do you want to meet??

Him: well...... are you familiar with capital blvd?

Me: mostly, yes. There are a bunch of restaurants up that way. Want to meet there?

Him: Oh, I thought we weren't GOING to dinner.

Me: well, we don't have to. BUT you don't seem to know what you want to do, and the restaurants are fairly close to me. So we could meet and then see where we wanted to go.

Him: well............hey, do you know where Advance Auto Parts is?

Me: (thinking he's trying to give me a landmark near some store or restaurant or something)
No, not really.

Him: Oh, I can give you directions. It's really easy to find, and we can just meet there around 9:00.

NSD:: This is where I would have hung up or told him I had another call coming in and never speak to him again. There is no rule saying you have to be polite to creeps.

Me: uhm...you're kidding, right?

Him: kidding? About what?

Me: First of all, I don't feel comfortable meeting some guy at an AUTO PARTS store on capital blvd after it's closed and especially at 9:00 at night!!

Him: But there are all kinds of cops around! And lots of people! I don't understand the problem!

Me: Well, I don't know you, and quite frankly, we had already decided we'd meet at 8:00 through emails anyway. 9:00 is too late for me. Remember, I told you I have class at 8 am, and I have to get up at 6:30 to make it there on time. So I can't stay out really late.

Him: But why can't we just meet at 9? Don't you like me? I like you!

Me: Ok, I haven't met you. So I don't know if I like you. But I already told you that 9:00 was too late for me.

Him: What about 8:30?

Me: No.

Him: fine...I GUESS I can make it 8. But you'd BETTER not try to leave early or anything. Cause I want to hang out with you for a long time!

NSD:: That comment is what makes me think he wasn't nieve and inexperienced but potentially very dangerous.

Me: Uhm.....ok- look, I already told you IN THE EMAIL that I'd have to leave by 9:30 so I could get home, finish up any homework I had, and get to bed. This is the whole reason of us meeting at 8, remember? YOU said 7:00 was too early in your email, so I pushed to to 8, and you agreed to it!

Him: I didn't agree to that!!

Me: Look, let's just NOT meet, ok? This whole thing is getting too complicated.

Him But I want to meet you!

Me: Then how about this- since you don't want to go out to eat, and you don't know where you want to meet (besides Advance Auto parts!!!), let's just meet at Barnes and Nobles at Triangle Town Center. It's on capital, it's quiet (thereby fulfilling his 'private' place requirement, and, by now, *my* 'needs LOTS of lights and lots of cops/rent-a-cops around' requirements!) and we can just sit and chat. How's that?

Him: I don't know where that is.

Me: Well, I can give you directions.

Him: okaaaaaaaay...I guess.

Me: You go up capital blvd until you get to triangle town center- it's on your right.

Him: What if I can't find it?

Me: (ok, this guy SAID he's lived in Raleigh for 5 years, and he doesn't freaking know where TTC is?!!!)
Well, you literally CAN NOT miss it! It's a HUGE shopping center. And it says TTC too.

Him: I don't know where it is.

Me: I just gave you directions.

Him: But what if I get lost?

Me: Ok, you literally go NORTH on capital blvd. If you get to wake forest, you've gone too far.

Him: I still don't know if I can find it. Why don't we just meet at Advance Auto parts?

Me: NO, I am not meeting you at Advance Auto parts. We can meet at TTC. (And seriously, HOW can you know where one random AA store is, and NOT know where the largest shopping center in Raleigh is?!)

Him: Oh, ok. And then you can get in my car and we can just drive around until we figure out where we want to go.

Me: NO, THEN WE CAN SIT AND CHAT IN THE CAFE THERE.

Him: Oh, but I thought we were going someplace else.

Me: Well, YOU didn't know where else you wanted to go! So I picked B&N.

Him: Well, I think it's too far.

Me: (It's like another 6 whole miles up the road from the fabled AA store!!!)
Fine. We'll just not meet then.

Him: But I want to meet you!!

Me: Then meet me at B&N!

Him: But I don't know where it is!

Me: I JUST gave you directions!

Him: But it's too far!!

Fine. We'll just not meet then.

Him: But I want to meet you! You've been saying for 2 weeks you'd meet me, and now you're trying to back out of it!

Me: I'm not trying to back out of it. But I told you where I wanted to meet. So meet me at B&N!

Him: But I don't know where it is!

Me: Ok, I JUST gave you directions, remember?!?

(At this point, my mom who's been eating dinner while this utterly RIDICULOUS conversation is going on says- does he need MORE directions??

Him: WHO IS THAT?!?!? WHO'S TALKING TO YOU? DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE THERE WITH YOU? WHO **IS** THAT?!?

Me: That's my MOM. And she was asking if you still needed directions, because she was trying to help me give you better directions.

(And no, she was really just trying to figure out who this psychopath was, and why he still couldn't figure out where TTC is, and whether or not I was going to go through with meeting this psychopath at all!!)

Him: Because I just feel like there's somebody there who's trying to talk you out of meeting me!!

Me: (actually genius, I don't NEED anybody to talk me out of meeting you!! You've done that ALL BY YOURSELF!)
You know what, I just don't think this is going to work out. Have a nice night. Bye.

And I hung up.

Honestly, I don't know why I didn't hang up about 10 minutes earlier. I guess I just kept thinking- this can't REALLY be happening. I MUST be imagining this conversation! Sadly, I wasn't.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! I'd like to know that all my suffering wasn't completely for naught!

~Mary