Obi wan Kenobi

This was a story sent to me last night. Tasha Crocker and because she didn't tell me when this happened I being a old Star Wars fan picked the Obi wan that I remember when I was growing up. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Well I have a bad first date experience that I wanted to share. This was a few years ago. I was set up on a date with a friend of a friend. Yeah I know that spells disaster already. I was single and she said to me he is perfect for you. Why is it that when people say that they are so wrong.

Anyway. I am 5'4 he was 6'2. Now mind you I'm doing this as a favor we meet at a restaurant and he is 15 mins late. I was kind of aggravated but let it go. He gets there and he is towering over me. Kind of like Lurch from the Adams family only cuter. We get seated he apologizes.

Now I am looking at the menu and thinking about food. We order drinks and continue to look at the menu. He says do you like Star Wars? I pull the menu up and think oh for the love of pete. I'm like its an ok series. The server god bless her comes up and takes our order. He spent 3 hours talking about Star Wars. THREE HOURS. During that time he managed to grab my hand recite some monologue from the movie. I was so tired of Star Wars.

He paid the check thankfully I was past trying to say I had to go. At one point I went to the bathroom but I don't think he even noticed I was gone. It was seriously like he kept talking while I was gone.

When we were walking out he was perfect gentleman until we got to my car. He grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I haven't given this guy the faintest idea that I am interested in him touching me. If anything I had been giving him the cold shoulder. He asks me if I wanna go back to his place. I'm like HUH did I miss something here or what. I guess he took my silence for confirmation. He then pulls me closer and says I knew you wanted me. I'm like HUH I'm still looking at him like are you stupid. So he tries and gropes me. Now I am a gifted kind of gal. I'm built like most southern women. I am sturdy. I don't blow away in the wind. He gets more into it and leans down as if he is gonna kiss me. I just reacted. I pull away and swing my foot up and connect with his package. On his way to the ground his chin accidentally collided with my knee. I couldn't believe his nerve. When he fell I think I started yelling at him about the fact that he was a prime grade douche bag. I believe I told him he could go to hell also. I got in my car and drove off with him laying in the parking lot. On my way home I called my friend and let her know to never hook him up with anyone else. What a guy. To this day I refuse to watch Star Wars.

Tasha Crocker

First Guest Blogger

The story for this post isn't quite finished yet but I couldn't wait to share this picture with you guys. This is a REAL picture and it has a great story to go with it. I promise to have the story for you this week.

This picture REALLY goes with this story. The picture was taken in 1998. This guest blogger may or may not be related to me..........

My bad date was a blind date. Well, he wasn’t actually blind. I had never met him before. My hair dresser introduced me to him. She thought we were perfect for each other. We started our short dating experience by talking on the phone. That’s always safe and a good way to see if you want to go out on a real date or not. He passed the first test. So we went to dinner. We had a nice time. He said the right things and wasn’t gross or obnoxious so we went out again.

This time I started getting these weird vibes. I couldn’t really put my finger on anything exact, just a feeling. There were not any red flags waving in my face just small things. I decided that I didn’t want to go out with him any more. He just wasn’t my type. I told him, in a very nice way, that I just didn’t think we should date any longer. He seemed ok with it or at least I thought he was ok with it.

Two days later, I woke up and in my front yard were 50 pink flamingos and 1 pink elephant. There was also a HUGE sign that said, “Give it another chance. You won’t be sorry.” I was SO incredibly embarrassed. I called the pink flamingo company and nicely asked them to come and get their birds and 1 pink elephant. They said the flock only flies home at dusk. I said fine but they were not going to stay in my yard for another minute. I plucked them all up and put them in a pile at the edge of the yard.

I immediately thought of my recent dating experience and called him and told him I did not appreciate nor see the humor in those pink flamingos in my yard. He had the nerve to deny it. Who else could it be? Did he really think I would buy that one??

Moral of the story – trust those weird vibes….

Your Stories

I have gotten lots of comments and emails stating that you have had equally bad dates. I don't want to be selfish so PLEASE if you have a date that is horrendously funny email me. If you don't want credit then I won't post it, otherwise full credit will be given.

Come on! Send me your horrible date stories and we can all laugh together.

neveraseconddate@gmail.com

Pepe Le Pew

Yes this one was.....special and had a sort of lingering effect. This was actually a few weeks ago and I have been contemplating whether to post it or not. This particular date found out about the blog. After thinking about it though and getting a few emails wondering where my next post was I had to give in and share my story.

This was actually my third date with PLP. The first was a non-eventful movie date. Something funny and we chatted in the parking lot afterwards. The second was dinner. The third........oh the third. We had decided to drive up to the mountains and go hiking. We both had the day off and even though the weather was going to be cold we were committed. I decided to bring my dog. You never know about people and if nothing else she would be a force to make someone reconsider doing something stupid. I also drove.

The plan was to meet at my house at 10am. He showed up 15 minutes late. I was annoyed that he didn't call but wasn't going to dwell on it. The first thing I noticed about him were the BLEACH white shoes he was wearing. We are going hiking and he is wearing geriatric hospital shoes. The second....was subtle at first. It was a slight odor. I thought maybe he ate something after brushing his teeth, or forgot to brush his teeth. No......a mint wasn't going to fix this at all.

We get in my truck and hit the road. After about 30 miles I realize that odor is getting stronger and it isn't' b/c he is talking. He didn't SHOWER! I know we were going hiking but I showered! The place we were going was about 1.5hrs away. It was too cold to put the windows down(35 was the high that day) so I was gasping by the time we got there.

The mountains were gorgeous and the hike was about 3 miles. Some parts were really steep. The WHOLE time I had to keep moving away from PLP. He was trying to put his arm around me or hold my hand. I was trying to climb up a MOUNTAIN. Thankfully I was able to put the dog between us most of the time.

We get back to the truck and start to head back. We stop at a little diner to get some late lunch. As we are walking in we both see a big sign on the door that says " CASH ONLY No checks or cards". We sit down, get our drinks, and order our food. After the waitress leaves the table he wants to know if I have enough cash to cover us. He only has a CC. Are you KIDDING me?!?!? I drove up here and now this tool wants to know if I can pay for lunch too. If his truck wasn't at my house I would have excused myself back home. So I pay for a not so great lunch.

We were fairly close to Asheville so we head over that way for some outlet shopping. After some very uncomfortable questions from him I decide I don't need clothes THAT bad. We start to head back. He starts offering to buy me gas. I told him that would be great. I have enough to get back to the house, lets get gas close to there. I started with a full tank and it would be nice to end with a full tank. Oh no......he starts calling out all the gas stations at upcoming exits.

When we were about 45 min from the house I finally gave in and got gas to shut him up. We get back to my house and I am beyond annoyed. He tries to invite himself in and I told him I was tired and done for the day. He goes home and I pick up the phone......laughing with friends fixes MANY bad days.