Never a Second Date

Updates and CATS

2011-12-03T19:22:00.001-08:00

I have been very slack about updating my blog and I'm going to try to do better. I have moved to a small town and haven't been dating much. I also haven't had any dating stories told/sent to me to share.

I have gone back and re-read stories and comments and there was a time where I was going to look up some dating videos to share and amuse us.....that is my project for now.

In the mean time...this video had me laughing so hard I cried!!!

I'M BACK!!!!!

2011-01-12T10:59:00.000-08:00

Ok I know I've been gone for a while now but I'm back. I lost my job, went to school, moved, started a new job, am back in school again and have decided to start dating again. I have had a few interesting dates in the past few months and I will start putting them together and posting them for your entertainment.

I'm sorry I was so neglectful but life gets in the way like that sometimes.

Leo Getz

2009-07-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of dates lately. I lost my job and have been SUPER busy.

I went to a lunch date today. I was meeting a 6' NYer that loves dogs. I met a hyper SHORT little man that was owned by his dog!!!

He was 7-8 minutes late without an apology. The place he picked wasn't open for lunch so we walked over to a burger joint. I had never been there before and it was GREAT, I wish the date was as good as the food.

He was more worried about finding out what things that I knew how to do that he didn't than anything else. It was like he was trying to find someone to tile his kitchen, put down hardwood floors, and train his dog.

He recently bought a house and he wants its value to go up. So he wanted to know what I could do to HELP!!! OMG!!!! Do I LOOK like Norm Abram?!?!?!?!(New Yankee Workshop)

I'm not here to help him sell his damn house!!!

Then he says he is going to call me soon and our second date we can bring our dogs so I can help him with a few of his dog's issues. UGH

There will NOT be a second date!!

On another really funny note I'm on eharmony. Thinking there will be less tools since there is an actual process before you get to talk to someone....boy was I wrong. I was told the other day (after 2 days of comminicating) that I was just too ugly for his style. ROFLMAO!!!!

A friend of mine and I were discussing men today. Where did all the men go? The real men, the men that take the initiative and approach a woman, that call her, that understand that pursuing a woman is ATTRACTIVE.

Twinkle Toes

2009-06-08T20:23:00.000-07:00

Yes this was another interesting date last Thursday night. I'm sorry I haven't had a lot of dates recently. I love this blog but it gets hard to keep going out on HORRIBLE dates. I would love just a decent date....well on to the story.

Fred and I met for dinner. He works in the IT department but isn't one of the SUPER geeks. I think that would have actually been better.

Dinner was ok. I think he was a little nervous so he rambled a little bit. He was a little funny though. I did have to force a few laughs.

After dinner I was thinking that it wasn't so bad, I wasn't super attracted to him but at least I didn't have anything to blog about. This is where I should have gone home....instead I let him talk me into going bowling. It was still relatively early so I went.

I guess this is where the TMI and blog worthy stuff came out!

He has 2 cats. They don't have names.

He has rats. NOT the in the cage type....the in the kitchen cabinets type.

His rats are so big they scare the nameless cats.

He makes $60,000(my mom would be happy).

He lives in a singlewide trailer that needs to be condemed.

The trailer has holes in the floor.....probably how the rats get in.

All of this is OK in his mind because he has a WALL of speakers attached to all this homemade computers.

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH

Brittany Brittany Brittany

2009-05-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

Brittany is up to her old tricks again! This story was sent to me this morning by a friend of mine. I'm excited to have my first bad date story from the guy's side.

Lani writes:

I am Lani, a man in his mid 20's and I've always had my share of Bad Dates and awkward situations. My last date by far took the cake on my strangest first date ever. I met Brittany a few weeks ago while playing putt-putt with some friends. We talked about our mutual interest in biking a lot. So we exchanged numbers and agreed to talk later. So I called her later that week and went biking. I could tell that there was a mutual interest between us so at the end of the day biking, I asked her out for drinks on saturday night. She enthusiastically agreed and said I would call her on saturday and make final plans about when and where.

So on saturday we make plans to meet at a local bar. She also says that a really good friend of hers is going on a first date also that night, that maybe we could meet up with them at some point. I thought that would be a good idea.

I get to the bar and we have a few glasses of wine and everything is going really well. I am trying to read her body language. Even though the couches are not full or cramp, she's always making a point to be sitting where she is making some kind of contact with me. So I am reading all this like the night is going good. Then the power went out at the bar we are at. So at this point we agree to drive across town to another bar where her friend and date were at.

She leaves her car at the first bar and rides with me in my car to the next bar. So we spend the next couple of hours at the next bar which has just about any beer you can think of from all over the world. So I suggest we play the game of we both pick a drink from the list for each other but it has to be something neither one of us have ever tried before. We do a couple of rounds of this. She wanted to go for a third round of high gravity beer, I said I'd buy her another, but I'm going to have to sit this round out, since I would be the first one driving and did not think I needed to drink anymore.

At this point everything seems to be going well. I know at this point you're probably thinking "This sounds like a great date". I was thinking the exact same thing at this point. She was giving all the good signals, we were even handholding. So then she goes to the restroom. And I'm thinking of suggesting walking over to the local IHOP to cool off.

Well 10 minutes later she still has not come back. Her friend goes to check on her and comes back and says "I know she is not doing this crap again". Well at this point I am informed that she has a problem that when she drinks alcohol, she manages to go "wander off" So we wait another 45 minutes, me and her friend both tried to call her phone several times. Nothing no response at all. Her friend says I really should not take it personal. That in the restroom she seemed really excited to be out with me. That she has done this same thing to her at least 4 times in the past.

So I'm really kinda worried at this point, but her friend assured me, that she always manages to get home when she does this, to not worry about her. So I eventually go on home. My phone calls were never returned.

However I did get a email on Sunday Night from her apologizing and saying she does that every now and then, saying that after she wander'd off. She wrecked her car and was arrested for DUI. But she had fun and would love to hang out again. So I still don't know how she got 6 miles across town to her car in the first place. Hopefully it was by cab. So if there ever is a second date, I can guarantee alcohol will NOT be involved.

Mr Time

2009-04-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

Last week I went on a date so mediocre it didn't deserve its own post. It was boring and painful and he called me "dude" like 50 times. Thank goodness it was only for a drink and I didn't have to suffer through dinner.

Lets move on to last night....TOTALLY blog worthy!(as my Dad says)

Mr Time is recently out of the military and just moved to the area. I picked the place and he picked the day and time. So we meet at one of the BEST little diners around. They have even been on the Food Network Channel a few times.

I was embarrassingly a few minutes late. I sent him a text letting him know and he said that he was running late too.

I get there and we sit at the bar. Originally we were meeting to get a drink but he said we should get dinner too after we sat down.

The conversation is a little rough at first but he responds in paragraphs to questions I ask him and is pretty easy to talk to....unless of course you expect him to ask questions about YOU.

Sadly I'm getting really good at forcing conversation and picking questions that require longer answers. I don't think past "How are you?" He asked me a single question. I did ALL the asking.

When we order our food he gets rude with the waitress. NOT a good idea! These waitresses aren't to be messed with. Think Kat Von D! He tells her to pick something for him to eat but it better be good because he will blame her if his food sucks. UGH!

Once we get our food and are almost finished he starts looking at his watch. I asked him(see another question! LOL) if he had somewhere to be afterwards. He said No, he just liked knowing what time it is.

He checked his watch every 3-4 minutes!! Finally around 7:45 he says its getting late and he needs to get going. We walk outside and he starts commenting on what type of tires I have on my truck and how another brand name of tires were especially made for my truck and how I should go get them.....now. LOL

As I was driving home I realized I was HIS bad date.....but in all fairness he can't judge me....he doesn't know ONE DAMN THING ABOUT ME!!! LOL

P.S. Bubba J wants another shot and keeps my phone and email pretty lit up. Don't worry....he isn't going to get one.

Bubba J

2009-04-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

PLEASE watch this before reading any further:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iMd8Pm-2EE

Bubba and I have been chatting online for a while now. He rides horses and lived in VA and just recently moved to the area. We have only been talking on the phone for the past week or so and they haven't been very long conversations. We had plans to go out on Saturday but on Thursday he called and said he had to work. He wanted to go out Sunday instead but I had a full day. I told him I would call him if I got finished at a decent hour.

So after working with a draft horse, doing body work on another, and going to a 12 inning baseball game I was still in a great mood and hadn't crashed yet so I called him. I wasn't expecting to go out but I had told him that I would call. We chatted while I drove home and he wanted to take me out for a sushi dinner to make up for cancelling. I said ok. I rushed to feed the horses, shower, and change.

When we had decided on where to go and what time he had asked me for directions. He said that he had passed it once but didn't know where it was. He said he came out of downtown went a few miles, turned right at a light, saw it on his left, then turned left onto a well know highway where there was a Starbucks....I waited and waited and waited. Finally I said....and you can't get back there? His light bulb FINALLY went off and he laughed and said oh yeah! He knew where it was and would see me at 8. Click.

As I realize what just happened I kicked myself for not having a "Are you smart enough to date me" test. UGH at least I get a free sushi dinner out of it....

Since I wasn't at work and didn't have a desk handy it was ::head steering wheel:: ::head steering wheel::

He shows up about 5 minutes late claiming he got lost....I was nice and didn't make the snarky comment that immediately popped into my head.

We sat down and the conversation was actually pretty good. We talked about a lot of different stuff even before we opened the menus. It was friendly and we laughed a lot. When it came time to order he said that couldn't order sushi without pictures so he wanted me to order for us. That we would just split 5-6 rolls. So I ordered 4 rolls that I knew that I liked and were very popular and then one to try. The waitress walks away and as we get ready to start talking again his cell phone rings. I had mine on silent but could see that I had missed 2 calls already....I hadn't even moved to clear the call or alert that I had missed the call.

HE ANSWERED

Not only did he answer but he sat AT THE TABLE and had a full conversation. If it had been important I would have apologized and walked outside to have the conversation. Ugh!

We ate and chatted through dinner and as we were getting finished with the last of the sushi he gave me a funny look. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he hadn't looked at the prices and was wondering how much I had spent on dinner. He said that he hadn't looked at the sushi prices and was worried that I had ordered too much. I told him the general prices of the rolls we had gotten.

When the bill came it was only $35. He seemed pleased but I was still annoyed that it was blamed on me!

I had been able to steer the conversation away from horses for most of the evening. I didn't really want to hear his take on it considering his opinion of other things. He was telling me how he had taken lessons at a rehab farm and was put in charge of a rouge stallion (coughcougbullcoughshitcough). That the horse was trying to rear up one day and he grabbed his halter and looked him in the eye and everything was ok from there on out. That the horse was perfect....well except for that one time when he bit him but that was because he didn't pour his feed fast enough.

By now my fists are clenched and I'm politely trying to tell him that the horse actually taught HIM something not the other way around. He didn't get it at ALL. Then I am telling him about how that morning I had gone to teach a large draft mare how to pick up her feet and stand quietly for the farrier. He was lost, he said well you teach them to pick up their feet by making them move faster. I told him that I wasn't talking about a horse dragging their toes under saddle that I was talking about picking them up for grooming and trimming. He said he was too. UGH!

He will most likely call again but we are going to have to have the friends talk. I think I could get along with him as a friend but NOT as a relationship. At least this date was a step in the better direction.

Stinky

2009-04-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

Please think about the ghost on the right when you read about this wondrous date.

Stinky and I started emailing about a week ago. Over the weekend we switched to texting and were doing a LOT of texting and chatting. The plan was to meet for drinks. He said he didn't want to stay out too late and so to eat before I came. I ran around and got my stuff done after work and grab a bite to eat while I'm out and about. I get to the restaurant and he is sitting at the door. My FIRST impression is DAMN boy......you should have mentioned that the picture you sent me was 50lbs LIGHTER than you actually are! The picture I send people is actually a few pounds heavier than I actually am.

The hostess gets there and he said that he wanted to sit at a table because he hadn't eaten yet and was hungry. I told him that I had eaten already since he told me to. He said that was ok, he wouldn't mind eating alone and that I could entertain him while he ate. Not really a great start but ok...... As we were walking to the table I caught a whiff of something that wasn't great but I didn't think that much about it.

The table we were sitting at was fairly wide. At least 5'. When he laughed the first time I knew what I had smelled.......his BREATH!!! It wasn't the "I had onions at lunch" kind of stink it was the "I haven't brushed my teeth in a WEEK" kind of stink!! I was actually thankful that I wasn't eating!

He took his time ordering and eating. We talked but it wasn't a great conversation. He was telling me how he was in the Army. I told him that I had family that served and that they were Marines. Now, I'm fully aware that the different service members aren't particularly fond of each other but he started in on how he thought Marines were dumb and nuts. That they couldn't be trusted to do anything right....etc. I just told him that this was my FAMILY!

He served in Iraq and was telling me some stories about that. I said something about shooting a gun and he said that he didn't' like guns. After I picked up my jaw off the table I wanted to know HOW he was in the Army in IRAQ if he didn't like guns.... he said that he went to officer school and was too good to shoot, that he just gave the orders to shoot. UGH! Thank GOD he isn't still over there giving orders!

He was also telling me stories about people that I'm guessing are friends. He would start a sentence like: "Well Dave and I are going hiking this weekend." But there was not explanation of who Dave was or any of the other 10 people he talked about. I asked about the first one but he threw attitude back like I should know who these people are.

He was telling me about this one friend who was currently serving over seas and how he thinks that his 4yr old son might be gay. That he wasn't going to stand for that and was going to have to "man him up" because he wouldn't be able to be friends with someone that had a gay son. I had had enough!!!

So he is getting close to finishing his burger and I tell him that it has been fun but that I need to go let my dog out. That I didn't plan on staying this long. He said that he would think about calling me. I told him that if he was going to be a TOOL then don't waste his time.

This was all about 8:30 last night.

At 9:51 last night I get this text message: "Try not to spend ALL day tomorrow hung up on me ok?"

Y'all would have been proud of me, I didn't respond.

Magnum!

2009-03-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit that I felt a little sorry for this guy but was laughing too hard reading the story to care THAT much.

Meg writes:
So, I was really interested in this guy, Jason. I was a little intimidated, though, because he's very smart and very cute and he totally knew it. We ended up getting movie tickets but the showing wasn't for an hour so we decided to wander around the only open place in the nearby vicinity.

It was pretty late at night and everything else was closed. So we went to Circuit City and talked about movies we've seen/liked/blah blah blah. I was incredibly bored with Circuit City but having lots of fun with Jason. We were just standing there talking and he's fiddling with something in his back pocket. I see something fall out of his pocket. It's a small, square, metallic type material. Oh yeah, Magnum condom. I almost died. He turned bright red and scooped it up off the floor. At the time, I just thought it was funny and I thought he must have been so embarrassed, not realizing that "oh maybe he's expecting something tonight and that he's got something to say about the size of his package..." Genius.

So we went to see the movie and by the time it ended it was about 12:30 AM. Nothing happened at the movie. He was a gentleman. I think he was still embarrassed about the condom.

We were heading home (I knew him for a while so that's why I was comfortable being in car alone with him.) on the backroads and we come to a stop sign. I'm talking about waffles or something stupid and I hear this screeching. I looked up toward the curve in the road to our left and there's this car FLYING through the curve and clearly the driver is drunk. There was no time to do anything. The other car hit a pothole and spun sideways and hit us.

Everyone was ok but both cars were totaled and Jason had a bad bone bruise on his hip since the car hit his side. I had a minor concussion from hitting my head on the window. Later, when I crawled back into the car to get the insurance information, I found two more condoms in the glove compartment. This time I poked my head back out the window at handed them over and said, "Magnum, huh?"

This my first happy ending (get your minds out of the gutter!) story. Meg tells me that her and Magnum have been dating for 3 years and are engaged. YAY!

Awesomsauce

2009-03-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

I have decided that you guys deserve more posts and since I have been busy the past few weeks I will broaden my blog to include pre-dating conversations. You guys will get to see the ones that don't make it to the date.

This guy gets major bonus points for originality and I admit that just for that I would go on a date with him. Curiosity killed the cat!

I got an email on a dating site last night.....NOT Plenty of Fish though. LOL

So, I was browsing through POF profiles, lookin' for people in my area to talk to, and get to know some new people, maybe even find that special someone. I came across your profile, and you really seem like an awesome person. So I thought I'd leave you a small "let's get in touch" note. If you'd like, drop me a line sometime, and maybe we can start something interesting. My messenger ID is XXXXXXX on yahoo messenger and AIM. I really hope to get back in touch with ya.
Danny

NOW, If you haven't figured out by now that this whole thing has just been copied and pasted, you probably shouldn't even message me back to begin with. Matter of fact, I'd be much more happy if you'd just stay as far the hell away from me on here as ya can. I know what your thinking, your either thinking "damn, like, dis guy really is an asshole 2 me" or "Well, at least he's honest" or, something to that effect. If it's the latter, please keep reading.

Truth is, no matter how smart, caring, intelligent, etc, etc, etc, I could possibly be, there's a good chance, that this letter will just end up getting deleted, possibly before it's even read. SO, that being said, why should I waste my time, typing you out a nice, note, just for you. While I am truly interested in you, and really would like to get to know you better, because of your fellow women, it's not worth my time. I suppose these dating sites has taught women to be even more superficial and men to be even more spineless. ANYwho...

I really WOULD like to hear from you, and even though this was copy and paste, at least it's (i hope) somewhat unique, and I truly wouldn't have sent it, if I hadn't at least found a couple of things that I liked. That being said....

PLEASE, don't message me back on here, giving me your messenger ID instead, and telling me to IM you sometime, I won't. I gave you my messenger ID in the first paragraph on purpose, and I'm not going to make the first move twice. Besides, if you really are that braindead and/or lazy, I probably shouldn't have sent this to you in the first place. If you DO message me back on here, PLEASE be kind enough to read though my profile first. I don't expect you to type out this big long paragraph, but I do expect a small bit of effort. SO....
If you've found this comical, GREAT.... I bet we'd get along quite awesomesauce. If your offended, PLEASE, go BACK (I wouldn't have messaged you if you hadn't before) to SCHOOL, put AWAY the cell phone, at least for a while, and go read a BOOK.

Hope to hear from you soon.
Danny

Barry the Bee

2009-02-24T11:26:00.000-08:00

For those of you who haven't seen it. Bee Movie is quite funny and the picture is Barry the Bee stuck to a tennis ball like Velcro. He can't get loose.

I am Barry today. A friend of mine and I have been hanging out a lot. We are in the horse business together and he is a great guy. One of the things I like most about him is that he lives his own life. He has things he needs to get done and doesn't completely re-arrange his life for friends. Well I should have known better....I REALLY should have.

We started hanging out more and now he is calling me daily, wanting my schedule, wants to know when he can take me to dinner, etc. He is STUCK LIKE VELCRO! I can't seem to shake this tennis ball loose! The bad news is this isn't the first tennis ball I have had. I seem to attract clingy/needy/sissy men.

Right now I'm conflicted with a way to dislodge the tennis ball while keeping a decent friendship and good horse relationship.

I mean how do you nicely say "You were attractive when I thought you were a man......but I haven't worn/needed Velcro since I was 5yrs old."?? Half-chaps don't count!

Bobby Batronic

2009-02-18T05:15:00.000-08:00

A very good friend of mine told me about this video. I almost peed in my pants watching it and knew instantly that I needed to share it with you guys!

I think a date with Bobby would make an EXCELLENT blog entry!!!

Dating Safely

2009-02-11T10:46:00.000-08:00

Dating Tips/Guidelines

-Meet in a crowded place not a bar but somewhere you can actually talk but aren't alone.

-Don't get in their car.

-Don't let them in your car. Drive separately.

-Let someone know where you are going and what time you expect to be home. Call them afterwards.

-Have a friend stalk you and eat at the same place but don't acknowledge each other.

-Don't leave your drink unattended even non-alcoholic drinks. They can be drugged too.

-Don't be the nice girl. If you get a weird vibe or the guy's being a jerk, do whatever you need to do/say to keep yourself safe. WALK AWAY if you need to.

-Don't give out your phone number until you feel comfortable with the guy. The last thing you need is some psycho stalker calling you every three minutes.

- Use an e-mail address that doesn't have your name in it. neveraseconddate at e-mail.com instead of yourfullname at e-mail.com ... in many places, property tax records are online. If guy has your name, he could very quickly have your address.

-Don't tell him where you work. Just give a general "I work in sales" or whatever. Later you can divulge details.

-Don't go to a party especially if it is at a friend of his.

-Don't go home or to a secluded place.

-Make sure they don't follow you home. I always take a different/longer route. I prefer if he leaves the parking lot first.

-I also use Google often. I'd Google the info they gave me to see what came up. I ALWAYS Google people.

-A reminder that safety doesn't apply only to the first date is in order. Someone can get weird on you on the 2nd, 3rd, 20th. Weirdoes know you will be on your guard the first time you meet them and expect you to lower it after you 'know' them better. Don't let your guard down until you've met their mother and/or sisters.

Meeting a guy's mother and any other important women in his life and seeing him interact with her/them will tell you just about everything you need to know about him.

If he's respectful and kind to his mom and she is somewhat normal acting, you're probably OK.

If he's a jerk to his mom, run.

If mom still has his baby shoes hanging from her rear view mirror even though he's 40, run.

If she still refers fondly to the era in which he was breastfeeding....Yep, run this time too.

If his sister looks like Wednesday Adams and says, "So, has my brother told you about the time he -accidentally- stabbed me?" You got it...runrunrun.

-Always be alert and I would go as far as saying don't drink on the first date.

-If I am meeting in a public place that allows dogs, I bring my dog. Do the same that is if your dog is be enough to help defend you. A potential abductor is less like to try and abduct you if you have a large protective looking dog at your side.

-Keep your purse at your side and in your sight at all times.

-Make sure your cell phone battery is fully charged. And you have your cell phone easily accessible.

-Its probably not a good idea to let the person walk you to your car. 1.) It avoids a potentially awkward situation if you don't like him 2.) It avoids the possibility of the person abducting you in your own car.

-Don't forget to follow your intuition. Listen to your internal voice. If something "feels" creepy, then it probably IS creepy.

THE BUGMAN

2009-02-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

NSD: For the record this story is WONDERFUL but after reading it I feel like I should go take a shower! YUK!!!! Thank you for sharing it with us Tammie!!!

Guest Blogger Tammie writes:

As you have done I decided to the meet this guy off of the internet. We chatted every night, so we decided to finally meet.

Well as we were planning to meet, I asked for his cell phone number just in case I suddenly got cold feet and had to make up an excuse not to show up. I was quickly informed that he had no phone...I was like OK, well where do you want to meet. He said he really loved this Chinese restaurant about 45 minutes away from me. I asked if we could move just a little closer to where I live and we can meet there. He said well, I have to be honest with you, I don't have a car so you will have to pick me up.....Now i admit by this point I should have canceled but sheer curiosity took a hold of me I had to Mapquest his house and pick him up.

Well he lived in a section of town that was not favorable. When I went to get out of the car he came running out and was like "Make sure you locked the doors, your purse and CD player will get stolen." I was like "I'll wait for you in the car then." At this point I began questioning myself and I was like, self...why are we here again? To this day I can't come up with a good answer.
We get to his favorite restaurant and it was a hole in the wall. Once inside my feet kept sticking to the floor, and it appeared as if the place had not been cleaned in quite sometime. I said I would just get the rice and maybe some vegetables, as it was a buffet. Dinner was uneventful and we talked it was OK minus the dirty restaurant. After dinner we decided to go back to his house and watch a movie (remember we are in the bad section of town).

Once back at his house, I had to hide all of my things and I grabbed my purse to take it in. Now when I walked in the house the hallway immediately caught my attention. It was very narrow because of these huge dressers that were really really really really (did I say really) dirty! As a matter of fact the whole house was completely dirty, it had dim lighting to give the illusion of clean. At which point Mr. Bug man was like, "Do you want to meet my grandmother and the family "? Can't say no because I am in their house. So I was introduced as his next girlfriend (I promise I was definitely not). The WHOLE HOUSE was filthy, nasty, dirty!! I was like oh my goodness how do I make an exit without being completely obvious?!?! After meeting his grandmother, aunt and uncle I figured the family meet and greet was over. Little did I know there were more people upstairs. Three cousins and a best friend. I was like oh my how do I really get out now?!

Now the kitchen upstairs (yes a full kitchen upstairs) and the bathroom were completely dirty. I mean filthy nasty dirty, like he should have torn down the house and rebuilt it to make it clean. We go into his room, which is the cleanest room in the whole house (I know don't be shocked because it wasn't that clean at all). We decide on a movie and all the time I'm planning my escape. Well I start looking around the room and there was a bug crawling on the wall. ***I will take a side note to inform you guys that when it comes to crawling nasty bugs I FREAK OUT!!! I scream, I yell, I run around the house, ANYTHING to get away from the bug!*** Back to the story, after I freak out he was like oh, grabbed his shoe and killed the bug. I was like hhhmm....thats odd he acted like it is no big deal almost like this is normal, I mean he is a guy and all.....maybe he is just being macho. Nonetheless I'm scouting the walls for more bugs (now these bugs were very similar to baby roaches, so please understand the freak out). Well I spot 2 or 3 more baby roaches on the wall, at which point I'm like freak the plan for escape, just run man rrrrruuuuunnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I looked at my watch it was only 10:30, I was like well I have to go, its late and I have to work tomorrow and I start giving excuses that I'm sure don't make sense. Well I get up to grab my purse and I look behind me, there was a bug on the pillow I was laying on and three under me. I had to control my MAJOR FREAK OUT! He said he would walk me to the car to make sure I got there safely. In the meantime....out comes 5 or 6 more bugs it was as if they knew he had killed their cousin or something. I picked up my purse as if it was contaminated and we walked outside he tried to kiss me and I got in my car. He said the sweetest thing though "Thanks for not judging me, I can't wait to see you again" All I could say was sure....he was already totally judged.

Needless to say that was the first and last date. To this day he still emails me and that was 5 years ago....poor guy!

-Tammie-

David Ortiz strikes OUT

2009-02-09T18:09:00.001-08:00

In case you didn't know David Ortiz is known for 2 things...home runs and for strike outs.

This story is about a STRIKE OUT!!! This wasn't an official date, this was a pre-date that went so horribly wrong that he won't get ANYWHERE near a date with me. This was after a football game with a bunch of friends. The game was a blast co-ed touch football.

DO showed up after we were done playing and brought his dog. A lot of us had their dogs there at the park and I had my dog with me. She is very well trained and has at least 20 commands. The dog he brought was very excited and didn't listen to anything. He jumped on all the people and dogs and DO had trouble getting him to stop pulling and listen.

STRIKE #1: He said my dog wasn't well behaved.

A group of us decided to go get food. He decided to join us. Some of us got to the restaurant early and he was one of them. We sat around and chatted and had some chips. One of the other people at the game had horses and then came to dinner with us so her and I were chatting away. He was trying to get in the conversation and at first was ok but then his questions were getting rude. He wanted to know why I would spend so much time with a HOBBY. I tried to explain to him that I run a horse training business and that it was more than a hobby.....it was my life.

STRIKE #2: He wanted to know how really hard it was to get a horse to just go in a circle. It can't be THAT hard!

I was SO irritated! I was politely trying to tolerate him until the rest of the crew got there and I could ignore him better. This didn't happen fast enough though. It wouldn't be my luck if it got better from here.

We quickly changed the subject to talk about the game. It was a really fun game and we were talking about who made good plays and who didn't. Laughing about how we tricked the other team. I told one of the other girls that I had tried to get her more play by throwing the ball to her while I was QB. THIS is where it got ugly.

STRIKE #3: He couldn't believe the guys on the team LET me be quarterback because I'm a GIRL!!!!

I almost went over the table. He went on and on about how football was rough on the girls and he couldn't believe guys would actually let a GIRL be QB. It wasn't pretty after that. Thankfully the other people showed up and I could be distracted.

I wasn't very nice after that though. I didn't watch what I said and I made sure to say whatever I thought. I think he got the HINT

Bring your own duct tape and rope!

2009-02-04T09:19:00.000-08:00

After reading this you think about the choices you make when meeting ANYONE not just someone online. I know that I would have hung up about 2 minutes into this conversation but I'm glad the writer made the correct decision in the end. This blog is supposed to about the humor in dating but we can't ignore the danger in dating. PLEASE be careful!! Had this writer met him I'm afraid it could have turned out very bad for her. I will be making a post about dating tips in the next few days.

Ok, so this isn't really a 'date' story, but we WERE planning to go out that night and meet for the first time. ORIGINALLY, during our back and forth emails, he had said that he wanted to take me out to dinner. However, that story QUICKLY changes! What follows is the conversation of us trying to decide where to meet and what to do.

Me: So, what restaurant did you want to meet at?

Him: Did you really want to go to a restaurant?

Me: Well, that's what you said last time. Why? Would you rather go someplace else?

Him: I want to go someplace more private.

Me: (ok, how much more PRIVATE is this guy thinking we're going to get?!!) Um, ok....where did you have in mind?

NSD:: This is where I would have started to get really concerned.

H: I don't know...

M: uhm....ok, well what had you THOUGHT of doing then?

H: I don't know. I guess we can just drive around until we figure something out.

Me: (getting exasperated...AND thinking that there is no way in HELL I'm wasting gas money by aimlessly driving around Raleigh. And there's SURE no way in hell I'm getting in a car with him alone and riding around Raleigh!)
Ok, well why don't we just meet and then we can talk about where we want to go.

Him: ok.

*pause*

Me: All right, well WHERE do you want to meet??

Him: well...... are you familiar with capital blvd?

Me: mostly, yes. There are a bunch of restaurants up that way. Want to meet there?

Him: Oh, I thought we weren't GOING to dinner.

Me: well, we don't have to. BUT you don't seem to know what you want to do, and the restaurants are fairly close to me. So we could meet and then see where we wanted to go.

Him: well............hey, do you know where Advance Auto Parts is?

Me: (thinking he's trying to give me a landmark near some store or restaurant or something)
No, not really.

Him: Oh, I can give you directions. It's really easy to find, and we can just meet there around 9:00.

NSD:: This is where I would have hung up or told him I had another call coming in and never speak to him again. There is no rule saying you have to be polite to creeps.

Me: uhm...you're kidding, right?

Him: kidding? About what?

Me: First of all, I don't feel comfortable meeting some guy at an AUTO PARTS store on capital blvd after it's closed and especially at 9:00 at night!!

Him: But there are all kinds of cops around! And lots of people! I don't understand the problem!

Me: Well, I don't know you, and quite frankly, we had already decided we'd meet at 8:00 through emails anyway. 9:00 is too late for me. Remember, I told you I have class at 8 am, and I have to get up at 6:30 to make it there on time. So I can't stay out really late.

Him: But why can't we just meet at 9? Don't you like me? I like you!

Me: Ok, I haven't met you. So I don't know if I like you. But I already told you that 9:00 was too late for me.

Him: What about 8:30?

Me: No.

Him: fine...I GUESS I can make it 8. But you'd BETTER not try to leave early or anything. Cause I want to hang out with you for a long time!

NSD:: That comment is what makes me think he wasn't nieve and inexperienced but potentially very dangerous.

Me: Uhm.....ok- look, I already told you IN THE EMAIL that I'd have to leave by 9:30 so I could get home, finish up any homework I had, and get to bed. This is the whole reason of us meeting at 8, remember? YOU said 7:00 was too early in your email, so I pushed to to 8, and you agreed to it!

Him: I didn't agree to that!!

Me: Look, let's just NOT meet, ok? This whole thing is getting too complicated.

Him But I want to meet you!

Me: Then how about this- since you don't want to go out to eat, and you don't know where you want to meet (besides Advance Auto parts!!!), let's just meet at Barnes and Nobles at Triangle Town Center. It's on capital, it's quiet (thereby fulfilling his 'private' place requirement, and, by now, *my* 'needs LOTS of lights and lots of cops/rent-a-cops around' requirements!) and we can just sit and chat. How's that?

Him: I don't know where that is.

Me: Well, I can give you directions.

Him: okaaaaaaaay...I guess.

Me: You go up capital blvd until you get to triangle town center- it's on your right.

Him: What if I can't find it?

Me: (ok, this guy SAID he's lived in Raleigh for 5 years, and he doesn't freaking know where TTC is?!!!)
Well, you literally CAN NOT miss it! It's a HUGE shopping center. And it says TTC too.

Him: I don't know where it is.

Me: I just gave you directions.

Him: But what if I get lost?

Me: Ok, you literally go NORTH on capital blvd. If you get to wake forest, you've gone too far.

Him: I still don't know if I can find it. Why don't we just meet at Advance Auto parts?

Me: NO, I am not meeting you at Advance Auto parts. We can meet at TTC. (And seriously, HOW can you know where one random AA store is, and NOT know where the largest shopping center in Raleigh is?!)

Him: Oh, ok. And then you can get in my car and we can just drive around until we figure out where we want to go.

Me: NO, THEN WE CAN SIT AND CHAT IN THE CAFE THERE.

Him: Oh, but I thought we were going someplace else.

Me: Well, YOU didn't know where else you wanted to go! So I picked B&N.

Him: Well, I think it's too far.

Me: (It's like another 6 whole miles up the road from the fabled AA store!!!)
Fine. We'll just not meet then.

Him: But I want to meet you!!

Me: Then meet me at B&N!

Him: But I don't know where it is!

Me: I JUST gave you directions!

Him: But it's too far!!

Fine. We'll just not meet then.

Him: But I want to meet you! You've been saying for 2 weeks you'd meet me, and now you're trying to back out of it!

Me: I'm not trying to back out of it. But I told you where I wanted to meet. So meet me at B&N!

Him: But I don't know where it is!

Me: Ok, I JUST gave you directions, remember?!?

(At this point, my mom who's been eating dinner while this utterly RIDICULOUS conversation is going on says- does he need MORE directions??

Him: WHO IS THAT?!?!? WHO'S TALKING TO YOU? DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE THERE WITH YOU? WHO **IS** THAT?!?

Me: That's my MOM. And she was asking if you still needed directions, because she was trying to help me give you better directions.

(And no, she was really just trying to figure out who this psychopath was, and why he still couldn't figure out where TTC is, and whether or not I was going to go through with meeting this psychopath at all!!)

Him: Because I just feel like there's somebody there who's trying to talk you out of meeting me!!

Me: (actually genius, I don't NEED anybody to talk me out of meeting you!! You've done that ALL BY YOURSELF!)
You know what, I just don't think this is going to work out. Have a nice night. Bye.

And I hung up.

Honestly, I don't know why I didn't hang up about 10 minutes earlier. I guess I just kept thinking- this can't REALLY be happening. I MUST be imagining this conversation! Sadly, I wasn't.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! I'd like to know that all my suffering wasn't completely for naught!

~Mary

Obi wan Kenobi

2009-01-30T05:28:00.001-08:00

This was a story sent to me last night. Tasha Crocker and because she didn't tell me when this happened I being a old Star Wars fan picked the Obi wan that I remember when I was growing up. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Well I have a bad first date experience that I wanted to share. This was a few years ago. I was set up on a date with a friend of a friend. Yeah I know that spells disaster already. I was single and she said to me he is perfect for you. Why is it that when people say that they are so wrong.

Anyway. I am 5'4 he was 6'2. Now mind you I'm doing this as a favor we meet at a restaurant and he is 15 mins late. I was kind of aggravated but let it go. He gets there and he is towering over me. Kind of like Lurch from the Adams family only cuter. We get seated he apologizes.

Now I am looking at the menu and thinking about food. We order drinks and continue to look at the menu. He says do you like Star Wars? I pull the menu up and think oh for the love of pete. I'm like its an ok series. The server god bless her comes up and takes our order. He spent 3 hours talking about Star Wars. THREE HOURS. During that time he managed to grab my hand recite some monologue from the movie. I was so tired of Star Wars.

He paid the check thankfully I was past trying to say I had to go. At one point I went to the bathroom but I don't think he even noticed I was gone. It was seriously like he kept talking while I was gone.

When we were walking out he was perfect gentleman until we got to my car. He grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I haven't given this guy the faintest idea that I am interested in him touching me. If anything I had been giving him the cold shoulder. He asks me if I wanna go back to his place. I'm like HUH did I miss something here or what. I guess he took my silence for confirmation. He then pulls me closer and says I knew you wanted me. I'm like HUH I'm still looking at him like are you stupid. So he tries and gropes me. Now I am a gifted kind of gal. I'm built like most southern women. I am sturdy. I don't blow away in the wind. He gets more into it and leans down as if he is gonna kiss me. I just reacted. I pull away and swing my foot up and connect with his package. On his way to the ground his chin accidentally collided with my knee. I couldn't believe his nerve. When he fell I think I started yelling at him about the fact that he was a prime grade douche bag. I believe I told him he could go to hell also. I got in my car and drove off with him laying in the parking lot. On my way home I called my friend and let her know to never hook him up with anyone else. What a guy. To this day I refuse to watch Star Wars.

Tasha Crocker

First Guest Blogger

2009-01-27T06:00:00.001-08:00

The story for this post isn't quite finished yet but I couldn't wait to share this picture with you guys. This is a REAL picture and it has a great story to go with it. I promise to have the story for you this week.

This picture REALLY goes with this story. The picture was taken in 1998. This guest blogger may or may not be related to me..........

My bad date was a blind date. Well, he wasn’t actually blind. I had never met him before. My hair dresser introduced me to him. She thought we were perfect for each other. We started our short dating experience by talking on the phone. That’s always safe and a good way to see if you want to go out on a real date or not. He passed the first test. So we went to dinner. We had a nice time. He said the right things and wasn’t gross or obnoxious so we went out again.

This time I started getting these weird vibes. I couldn’t really put my finger on anything exact, just a feeling. There were not any red flags waving in my face just small things. I decided that I didn’t want to go out with him any more. He just wasn’t my type. I told him, in a very nice way, that I just didn’t think we should date any longer. He seemed ok with it or at least I thought he was ok with it.

Two days later, I woke up and in my front yard were 50 pink flamingos and 1 pink elephant. There was also a HUGE sign that said, “Give it another chance. You won’t be sorry.” I was SO incredibly embarrassed. I called the pink flamingo company and nicely asked them to come and get their birds and 1 pink elephant. They said the flock only flies home at dusk. I said fine but they were not going to stay in my yard for another minute. I plucked them all up and put them in a pile at the edge of the yard.

I immediately thought of my recent dating experience and called him and told him I did not appreciate nor see the humor in those pink flamingos in my yard. He had the nerve to deny it. Who else could it be? Did he really think I would buy that one??

Moral of the story – trust those weird vibes….

Your Stories

2009-01-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

I have gotten lots of comments and emails stating that you have had equally bad dates. I don't want to be selfish so PLEASE if you have a date that is horrendously funny email me. If you don't want credit then I won't post it, otherwise full credit will be given.

Come on! Send me your horrible date stories and we can all laugh together.

neveraseconddate@gmail.com

Pepe Le Pew

2009-01-19T08:32:00.000-08:00

Yes this one was.....special and had a sort of lingering effect. This was actually a few weeks ago and I have been contemplating whether to post it or not. This particular date found out about the blog. After thinking about it though and getting a few emails wondering where my next post was I had to give in and share my story.

This was actually my third date with PLP. The first was a non-eventful movie date. Something funny and we chatted in the parking lot afterwards. The second was dinner. The third........oh the third. We had decided to drive up to the mountains and go hiking. We both had the day off and even though the weather was going to be cold we were committed. I decided to bring my dog. You never know about people and if nothing else she would be a force to make someone reconsider doing something stupid. I also drove.

The plan was to meet at my house at 10am. He showed up 15 minutes late. I was annoyed that he didn't call but wasn't going to dwell on it. The first thing I noticed about him were the BLEACH white shoes he was wearing. We are going hiking and he is wearing geriatric hospital shoes. The second....was subtle at first. It was a slight odor. I thought maybe he ate something after brushing his teeth, or forgot to brush his teeth. No......a mint wasn't going to fix this at all.

We get in my truck and hit the road. After about 30 miles I realize that odor is getting stronger and it isn't' b/c he is talking. He didn't SHOWER! I know we were going hiking but I showered! The place we were going was about 1.5hrs away. It was too cold to put the windows down(35 was the high that day) so I was gasping by the time we got there.

The mountains were gorgeous and the hike was about 3 miles. Some parts were really steep. The WHOLE time I had to keep moving away from PLP. He was trying to put his arm around me or hold my hand. I was trying to climb up a MOUNTAIN. Thankfully I was able to put the dog between us most of the time.

We get back to the truck and start to head back. We stop at a little diner to get some late lunch. As we are walking in we both see a big sign on the door that says " CASH ONLY No checks or cards". We sit down, get our drinks, and order our food. After the waitress leaves the table he wants to know if I have enough cash to cover us. He only has a CC. Are you KIDDING me?!?!? I drove up here and now this tool wants to know if I can pay for lunch too. If his truck wasn't at my house I would have excused myself back home. So I pay for a not so great lunch.

We were fairly close to Asheville so we head over that way for some outlet shopping. After some very uncomfortable questions from him I decide I don't need clothes THAT bad. We start to head back. He starts offering to buy me gas. I told him that would be great. I have enough to get back to the house, lets get gas close to there. I started with a full tank and it would be nice to end with a full tank. Oh no......he starts calling out all the gas stations at upcoming exits.

When we were about 45 min from the house I finally gave in and got gas to shut him up. We get back to my house and I am beyond annoyed. He tries to invite himself in and I told him I was tired and done for the day. He goes home and I pick up the phone......laughing with friends fixes MANY bad days.

George Constanza

2008-12-31T07:20:00.001-08:00

George is actually another date from the past. He was probably my 2nd or 3rd Match.com date. We had emailed each other for about a week and then spent another week or so chatting on the phone. He was a 4th grade teacher and had recently moved back into the area. We finally decided to meet at a place that he said was really good but I had never heard of.

I get to the address a few minutes early but it wasn't a burger place anymore it was a pizza place. I called him to make sure I had the right place and he said he was almost there and we would decide where to go when he got there. He pulls up in a Ford Taurus and wants to know if a bar around the corner would be good. Before we go further I have to say he was by FAR the worst "shorter than advertised" guy. He told me he was 5'8". I'm 5'6" and had worn low heels. He was at MOST 5'2" and had a good sized balding spot on the top of his head which I could CLEARLY see at my height. The bar he wanted to go to has decent food and it wasn't far from where we were. It was decided that I would ride with him (I KNOW I KNOW not the best decision ever) but it was only 2 miles down the road.

I get in his car and he says "So, you drive a Ford?" (I had just stepped out of my FORD Expedition). I told him that I did and his response was that he hated Fords too. I informed him that I LOVED my truck.

There are MANY things that can go wrong the first time you ride in someone else's vehicle. Bad driving, road rage, not paying attention to the road, driving too fast, driving too slow, etc. I was NOT prepared for this though.........

So.....this is Huntersville-Concord road...Huntersville-Concord road, I like the sound of that, I don't think I've ever been on this road before...wonder where it goes. Look, we are crossing East Rd....East rd....think there is a West rd? I think there must be otherwise that wouldn't make sense, look we are coming up on Main st. Isn't that a great name for a road? Back to East and West road, if they had an East and West Rd they would have to have a North and South Rd. It just wouldn't make sense without it, do you know where they are, it would be fun to see, I would like to live on a North rd. Look Hwy 21 wonder why they called it that. Look, a neighborhood. Looks like a good place to live....looks expensive....don't know if I would want to live there.....looks nice though....big houses....I want a big house, i think a big house would be good, good people live in big houses, oh, Beatties Ford Rd, Beatties Ford rd, am I saying that right, I know you southerners tend to say things strange, that is an odd name for a road though, Beatties Ford Rd, I like saying it, it would be fun to live on a road with a fun name,.................

I will spare you from the rest but it was continuous and I didn't get 2 words in the WHOLE way. I'm not sure if he was nervous and had diarrhea of the mouth or WHAT but it was strange......

We get to the bar and there is a wait for a table. He has a beer at the bar while we wait for our table. The conversation was ok, he did most of the talking which was fine by me. I was still a little dazed by our ride over.

We sit down and order. I ordered a chicken sandwich and he got a burger. He kept bringing up a local shopping center. They have lots of shops, movie theatre, and ice cream places. He wanted to know if I wanted to go there after dinner. I told him that we would see how dinner went.

We get our food and my sandwich wasn't very good. He on the other hand thinks his food was made by the gods and is SLOWLY savoring every bite. His eating went something like this....

Pick up food, stare lovingly at it, take a small bite, gently place food back on plate, chew slowly and day dream about the food, swallow, take a 2-3 min break from eating so that each bite feels important.......................repeat.

Lets just say that I was finished with my fries and 4-5 bites of my crappy chicken before he had gotten through 1/4 of his burger. We are still chatting and things are going ok until he realizes I'm not eating. He then accuses me of staring at him while he is eating.....I told him that we were just talking but if it was that big of an issue that I would watch one of the MANY TVs while he took a bite.

We talked a little about his job and how much he hated the kids in his class. That they were bad just to aggravate him and that he knew they could be good so he didn't like them. He wasn't very happy that he had so many bad kids in his class.

There was a FSU vs. Tennessee game on. He asked the score and I told him. Then came another.....I don't even know WHAT to call it.

Oh FSU is playing?? FSU, FSU, FSU is the best, Florida STATE, FSU, don't you just love FSU?

He would have kept going but thankfully the waitress arrived with our check. He got a box for the other 1/2 of his burger and was insulted when I told him that I didn't need a box. He apparently thought this bar had the best food ever and there was something wrong with me for not thinking the same thing.

As we are walking out he says something about dessert. I check my watch (8pm) I told him that I was a lot more tired than I had thought and that I was going to call it a night. He drives me back to my truck much quieter this time. As I go to get out of his car he tells me that he had a great time and did I want to see him again. I firmly said "Yeah....NO" shut the door and got in my truck.

Something is wrong with those school teachers...................

Clay Aiken

2008-12-21T07:50:00.001-08:00

Oh boy! I have gotten to the point where I have put on my profile that I would rather go ahead and meet after a short conversation. Taking the days of chatting online and the phone haven't been helping so lets just skip those steps.

I met this guy at a fun little pizza place. It isn't your typical pizza place, all their ingredients are fresh and they have some interesting topping combinations. I got to the shopping center early and luckily we walked up to the restaurant at the same time. He was cute and looked like his pictures.

It was nice enough to sit outside. He ordered a beer but multiple times reassured me that he was only going to have one. Said that he didn't feel like getting drunk today. We ordered some Bruscetta. He LOVES bruscetta. He went on and on and on and on about how much he loved it, how this was the only thing he could make at home, and how the olive oil made it so much better. He then went on a 20 minute olive oil tangent. About how it should replace butter and it was going to be the best thing ever. That he uses it for everything and that Rachael Ray was his idol. Mid rant he grabbed my hand and wanted to know if I regularly get my nails done and where do I get them done.

After this question I started watching his mannerisms closely. I'm not sure if Clay is ready to admit it or not but I am pretty positive he is gay. We had good conversations. He seemed like a really nice guy. Works for Wachovia and spends WAY too much on his apartment.

He also shared a LOT of personal financial information that I didn't need to know. He talked about collection letters, how he couldn't figure out how to get his car registered, how he had credit card problems, and again he is dropping $800 a MONTH in rent for his apartment.

He paid for lunch and we went our separate ways.

The Ladie's Man Strikes Again

2008-12-19T05:40:00.000-08:00

Crab legs again! Unfortunately we didn't get the waitress that we asked for but this one did a pretty good job. I still think the new ones are fun to shock. We order 3 crab leg dinners and they always repeat it back to us "THREE crab leg dinners???"

Dinner was great and we got to talk a lot. Made tons more Christmas plans and I made sure that my "Santa" list was understood.

It is nice to have good dates mixed in with all the others.

I have a lunch date on Saturday so look for an update before Sunday evening. Cross your fingers for me! I know some are crossing for a good date and some are crossing for another Captain Kirk!

Have a HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Gny Sgt Hartman

2008-12-15T07:40:00.001-08:00

This was a date a few months ago. It might have actually been the first Match.com date I had. GSH and I had emailed, chatted online, and talked on the phone. We met at a local steakhouse. He was a good ole southern boy. I got to the restaurant a little early and when he showed up he was talking on his cell. Not a big deal but he stood there for another few minutes chatting. While he was pacing and talking I noticed he was another "shorter than advertised" guy.

We sit down and he starts talking about his job. He is a recruiter for the Army or National Guard, I can't remember. He was saying how he is the best in the state and has won a lot of awards and how he was currently "raking them in".

The conversation was a little forced but not horrible. I was getting a lot of one word answers. We started talking about vehicles. He asked me what I drove and what kind of truck I like. I happened to mention that I didn't like short beds on trucks. That if I was going to have a truck, I would use it so much that a short bed wouldn't cut it. He then informed me that there was nothing wrong with a short bed. I agreed but told him that I just wouldn't buy one. Then he got UPSET. Apparently he drove a short bed truck and was taking it personally. I had to explain to him that I didn't have a problem with HIM driving a truck like that.

This was all before our salads! Then we started talking about my job. That I had recently left a barn in the area and was happily doing my own thing. He then offers to go burn their barn down. I told him that I hoped he was kidding...........he wasn't. I told him that no matter how much I didn't get along with someone there is NO WAY I would EVER want anything to happen to them or their animals. He said he understood and we could let all but a few of the "expensive show horses" out and then just let those burn with the barn. Thankfully this was as I was finishing my steak and I got up and left.

I do feel good that I didn't give any details about where I work, live or where this farm was.

The Ladies Man

2008-12-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

It was brought to my attention this morning that I had forgotten a VERY important date during my week. This man can only be described as The Ladies Man. Monday afternoon he texted me to confirm our date. He arrived at the barn to pick me up early and had already collected buckets for feed. He hayed my horses while I got their grain ready. We were laughing and joking right away.

I got in his car and we drove to a local seafood place to get crab legs. We got a seat at the oyster bar and told our waitress we would have 3 dinners. Pack up the 3 baked potatoes and we'll just split the 3rd order of crab legs. We chat and laugh while eating our clam chowder.

Our crab legs get there and we dive in. We knocked out the first 2lbs each pretty quick. My date is always willing to help me with those pesky claws. The 3rd order comes out and we polish that one off.

Leaving we make sure we didn't forget the potatoes and head out. We talk about music and other relaxed topics on the way back to the barn. We talk about Christmas and our plans.

He drops me off at the barn, tells me that he loves me, and that he will call me soon. The great part is that I have no doubt in my mind that I will hear from him again soon.

Dads are great....aren't they??

Gary Busey

2008-12-10T16:47:00.000-08:00

Tonight's date was hard to name. He was part White Supremacist and dumb as a rock. Gary Busey seemed to fit best.

To give a little history Gary and I started chatting Sunday online. We talked on the phone Monday night for 45 minutes and Tuesday night for over an hour. We had great conversations and I was excited that I might not have anything to blog about. I could NEVER be that lucky!

It started out very well. We were supposed to meet at 6 but both of us got there way early. He brought me a poinsettia which I thought was very sweet. He said he would have brought flowers but since it was close to Christmas he decided a poinsettia was more appropriate.

The first thing I noticed about him was how old he looked. His pictures online must have been 10+ years old. He said he was 34 but looked closer to 50. He was probably 2" shorter than he claimed online too. I'm not sure WHY men think that you aren't going to notice that they aren't as tall/young as they claim.

After we sat down and ordered he started talking about his job. He is in school to be a teacher and he is starting in the spring. He went on and on about how he was only going to teach at a "rich" school because he didn't want to educate future criminals. That he was going to speak to his new principal about keeping all the "ghetto types" out of his classroom. I couldn't believe it!!

When the waiter brought our food he made faces about what I was eating. I ordered a Cuban sandwich and he apparently has issues with pork. I got a GOOD education on a lot of his issues.... sensitive stomach, allergies, can't have spicy food, doesn't eat pickles, doesn't eat Chinese, thinks that Chick-fil-a is like Chinese food and therefore wrong, scared of heights, scared of blood, and so many more!

Our waiter had been back to the table a few times by now and now Gary was starting to get upset about it. Said the waiter had a crush on me and he was flirting. I ignored him and was praying for the check.

I am VERY worried about him teaching though. We were talking about surgeries and he couldn't understand how people get plates/screw/rods in them. He said he couldn't figure out how doctors got them in there. I tried to explain that it was surgery and that the doctor would cut in and add the metal. He was still lost.

He was admiring the restaurant and asked me about a sign over the bar. It said "Beer Poured at 34 degrees". He thought it was neat that they showed what temperature it was outside. I told him that was what temp their frig for the beer was. He didn't get it.

Finally the date ended and we went our separate ways. I won't be seeing this genius again anytime soon.

Mr. Clean

2008-12-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Sunday I had a 12:30 lunch date. I was actually excited about this date. I got to the restaurant 10 minutes early and he was already there. He had gone in and put our names on the list just in case there was a wait for the after church crowd.

We sat down and had a VERY nice lunch. He made sure the waitress took my order first, didn't talk with his mouth full, didn't have any bad manners that I could see. We talked and talked and talked. Things were going really great.

He made a comment about halfway through that I wasn't thrilled about but I could live with it. He was wearing jeans and a button up shirt and claimed it was the most he was going to be dressed up EVER.

About 1.5 hours into our date he started talking about his home. I had told him that I planned on spending the afternoon picking up my house, running the vacuum, changing the sheets, etc. He then spent a good 20 minutes telling me how GROSS his house was. He started by telling me that he had emptied his storage unit so I thought he just had a lot of "stuff" OH NO!!! He had a dog up until this past week and was bragging that he hasn't vacuumed in over 2.5 months! That he uses the stove to hold his folded laundry, that he rarely changes the sheets, and so much more. That was too much for me.

I'm sorry but thinking about the dust, dander, dog hair, and other dust bunnies that are all over that house makes me want a shower!

This one wasn't as funny as the last one, it was disappointing but I promised to blog about them all!!

My next date is Wed night!! Look for updates Thursday at the latest.

Captain Kirk

2008-12-08T07:17:00.000-08:00

Captain Kirk and I had been chatting online for weeks. Things seemed good, we watched a lot of the same movies, had a similar sense of humor, and weren't in a huge hurry. Last week he asked about meeting. We both love sushi so it was decided we would meet at a great sushi place a few miles from my house.

I got there about 10 minutes early. About 5 minutes later I get a call from CK saying he was running pretty late. I said that was fine and told him what I was driving. 35 minutes later he shows up. I'm a little annoyed but not upset, at least he called.

You know those people you see in life.....the ones that obviously don't own a mirror or have friends??? He was one of those. He was wearing fake leather 2-tone brown shoes, jeans, a 20yr old sweater with a mock turtle neck that came up 4" from his wrist. He was styling with his scarf and black pea coat though.

We sat down and both ordered water and I asked for some edamame. He had never had it but was eager to try it. Before I could show/tell him how to eat them he was gnawing on the whole bean. I then explained to him how to get the beans out. Over the next few minutes he must have FLUNG 5-6 beans all over the place. He finally gave up.

While we were discussing the sushi menu he told me that he doesn't eat spicy food. So I informed him of the rolls to stay away from and he also shared his phobia of "white creamy things". He refuses to eat mayo or cream cheese and other similar substances. (insert me rolling my eyes) I order 2 rolls and he orders one. Says if he is hungry after that one then he will order something else.

You might be wondering why his nickname is Captain Kirk. I'm not sure if it was because he was nervous or what but he...was....searching for....his words....a lot....like.....his....idol....Captian KIRK! It got old VERY fast.

So we get our sushi and start eating. The conversation was going ok and it helped that I knew a lot of the wait staff and they were stopping by frequently to help me through this obvious pain!

While we are eating CK grabs a lump of wasabi. Wasabi is the hottest stuff on the PLANET. I asked him about this because he said he didn't eat spicy food. This is where I went WRONG.....very WRONG. He proceeds to share with me all about his intestinal issues. About what foods he can and can't eat in quantities and the damage it does to his body. I will spare you all the details but lets just say I didn't finish both of my sushi rolls.

About 2-3 pieces later CK grabs his right ear with his right hand and LAYS HIS HEAD DOWN ON THE TABLE!!!! By now, I know this isn't going past the check so as politely as I can I ask "Are you ok?". He then tells me that he has a ringing in his ear. That it isn't painful but that when it happens it only lasts about 30 seconds....he believes that he periodically picks up some form of communication............ I start stuffing sushi in my mouth so I don't laugh in this guy's face!!!!

After he recovers from this little "episode" he starts poking his sushi paranoid there is "white creamy" stuff on it. I inform him that it looks like the yellow part of an avocado.......he calms down and finishes his roll.

At this point I am past ready to leave. He orders some spring rolls. They are super tiny and all I can do is hope he eats fast so I can leave. When they get to the table he insists it is too much and that I need to help him eat them. They come with a nice sweet dipping sauce. I eat one and he asks if I would be upset if he double dips. I told him that I would prefer that he didn't . He gets MAD. Tells me that I watch too much Seinfeld(I don't understand that accusation) and tells me that he is going to at LEAST dip the other end. I didn't have anymore spring rolls.

We finally get the check and he pays. (WHOO HOO at least I don't have to pay to deal with this torture)

As we are leaving the restaurant he says something about going to see the movie Twilight. In case you don't know, its a movie about vampires. I am ready to be rid of him but also worried about him thinking he is a vampire so I decline that invitation. He seems disappointed but happily informs me that we will be going out again because I exceeded his expectations. (Well THATS good to know ::rolls eyes::)

Finally at my truck I say 'Thank you for dinner' and he grabs me to give me a hug. Normal hugs are 2...3 sec tops. I had to pull away after an awkward 5 seconds. It may not sound like a long time but it IS.

Safely in my truck I start calling friends and sharing the humor of my dinner!

Introduction

2008-12-08T07:13:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my world of BAD dating. The past few months I have been on a series of dates that have me looking for the hidden camera. Friends and family have gotten so much entertainment out of these dates I have decided to blog about them. This will be a collection of horrible first dates. The things these men have done so far is shocking and hilarious. I will give all the men nicknames so that nobody knows who they trully are! While I have TONS of stories from previous dates I will start with the ones from this past weekend and go from there. All the men will be from Match.com unless otherwise stated. My membership is over in Feb 09' and my plan is to go on as MANY dates between now and then. Hopefully finding one that will make it to a second date. Cross your fingers for me!